A little bit of everything!

[Lisa Schwark Mullineaux]

Well, my siblings and I have a chance to get Tony's story out in the local paper.  Trace, would like to focus on how does a family get through something like this.  It's a chance to bring his picture to th he public, then I'll feel better knowing we tried something.  One sister said she'd do it.  One sister said, "Why can't you let it go"? Why are you stuck in the past?.  My other brother hasn't returned my phone call.  It's been 2 or more weeks.  I think I'm just going to do it alone if I have to.  I don't understand the hesitation.  I understand his disappearance was suspicious, but now that I'm older I don't care what he was doing.  No one has the right to take another's life.  So for 31 years everyone has been tip toeing around in case something would come back to us.  Well, I'm tired of waiting.  I'm tired of having this hang in the air like a thick fog.  Always wondering, always missing him, thinking over and over how he might have died.  What were his last moments like?  Who did he cry out to?  These are the things that run through my mind 100 times a day.  I think if we had a burial place to go visit and talk, we could get some of this off our chest, but because we didn't have a body we are going through is called ambiguous loss.  It's caused when a loved one suddenly vanishes.  When a person is physically absent yet psychologically present. This grief is also complicated by your need to keep hope alive which constantly interrupts or delays the mourning process. The psychological, physical, and emotional impact on those left behind can be devastating.  I will give my brother one more week.  Then I'll do it alone.  I don't need anyone's permission.